The Perfect Gift

By Judith Harvey.

Our annual family Christmas (Kiss/my/arse) competition is set to commence. Transpiring for six years now, it’s a contest to present mum with the most favoured gift. The winner receives an afternoon of cocktails courtesy of the losing siblings. My win is all but assured this year with a voucher for a drawing course from the local artists’ centre. Mum recently revealed she always had a secret desire to be an artist but never had the opportunity or incentive.

The first offering, by the eldest, is a non-stop revolving display of the grandchildren via a digital photo frame. Nice try sis, but I have it on good authority, straight from the horse’s mouth in fact, that mum sees quite enough of them already thank you very much.

The wealthy sister of the family typically presents mum with the latest kitchen gadget. Wrong on two counts – too technological (‘these stupid, new-fangled things’) and secondly, the last thing she wants is another reason to be tied to the kitchen.

I hand over my gift next and, as expected, she is thrilled – ‘I always wanted to be an artist’, she laughs. I sense the jealous leers.

Just as I am contemplating the first delicious sip of a martini, sibling number four bursts through the door with some lame excuse for his lateness and a curious grin. I am not concerned. There is no way his sorry, disorganised arse could better my effort.

With a flourish, he delicately pulls his gift out from behind his back and places it in Mum’s lap.

I smugly glance over. But in an instant, know I am beaten.

‘Well played Brother’, I whisper, as the kitten looks up at Mum and lets out a pitiful mew.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Judith Harvey is a retired teacher with new found time to engage in writing. She has many ideas and stories circulating around in her head and is keen to start putting some of those down on paper! Whilst her main passion is children’s literature, in particular picture story books, she is thoroughly enjoying the exploration of other forms of writing.