By Geoffrey Gaskill.
Christmas 2021 is to be cancelled.
Speaking from the North Pole, Father Christmas said, ‘It will come as a shock, but it had to be done. There’s just too much unfinished business. Take COVID for a start. It’s made naughty or nice redundant.’
Then there is the QR coding. ‘How the reindeer and I will be able to comply in every house will be a logistical nightmare. Then there is the disinfectant clean-up.’
Ongoing complaints about gender and equity issues regarding Rudolph continuing to lead the sleigh is another issue. As is his drink-driving charge still bogged in the courts. ‘We’re still grappling with #RedNoseRudolph from last year,’ said FC. ‘It has a way to run yet – if you’ll pardon the pun.’
He acknowledged the problem of climate change. ‘Rising sea levels,’ he said, ‘and the less than perma of the frost is threatening to put The North Pole under water. If we don’t move soon, wet feet will be the least of our problems. The elves’ union is threatening strike action over health and safety matters.’
Asked about the new location, FC announced Christmas Island was the logical choice. ‘But there’s a lot of work still to be done. Mother Christmas is busy choosing furnishings and paint colours.’
Speaking of Mother Christmas, she wants it known that all future correspondence to her husband must be addressed to Santa. ‘There are sexist overtones with names like Father Christmas, the jolly gent while both religious and secular groups struggle with Saint Nick,’ she said. ‘We tried to do the gender-free thing but Male Parent, Begetter, Ancestor among others didn’t make the cut – Male Parent Christmas? I think you can see the problem. Santa makes everyone happy.’
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Geoff spent thirty something years of his working life telling children how to write.
At retirement he decided to practise what he preached. Much of this output sits in his top drawer at varying stages of ‘completion’.
Otherwise he is an actor and director in the local theatre scene. After all, actors and directors are storytellers too.
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